Sunday, October 22, 2006

God of Small Things…Sprinkle the Seeds of Contentment

It’s been a terrible weekend so far. I have been feeling rather crabby all night. However, I don’t take it out on people when I am in any sort of foul mood. Usually it takes like a few hours for the ill feelings to dissipate. In the meantime, I tend to keep to myself and read stuff.

I once was a naïve little girl who thought herself as an unhappy person. I was painfully trying to calculate the number of instances I felt happy. In a day, there are 24 hours, 18 of which I am awake. So, taking 18 x 7 (days a week), there are potentially 126 hours for me to experience a state of bliss.
When I did the sums, I was appalled to discover that I was greatly lacking in the happiness quotient. Sometimes, I wonder whether I was even happy for 1 full hour in a week.
Was my definition of happiness too unattainable? Or is my life really devoid of mirth?
Upset, I sought to rationalize my perceived predicament.

Then, an accidental encounter with a sage lifted my rain cloud.

Me: I think I am chronically unhappy. Do you think you are a happy person?
Sage: I am neither happy nor unhappy most of the time.
Me: Ah, isn’t it difficult to capture happiness then?
Sage: We can’t experience happiness all the time. In fact, not being unhappy is good enough.
Me: How can it be good enough? (I felt indignant)
Sage: It is. I don’t feel particularly happy, but I feel contented. That in itself is a type of happiness.

A wave of realization hit me. The source of my affliction: I was too greedy.

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Blogger Aileen said...

I think i agree with u. u're always frowning at home. So tense.. so unhappy. U can barely stay happy and crazy for half an hour straight.

Hm... contentment is one solution. But learning to appreciate the source of happiness is another thing. That's why, Praise the Lord for a pesky sister!

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